I've just found out that my toddler has a profound hearing loss. What options are available to my daughter?
The options availble to you may seem overwhelming right now, but I'd encourage you to take the time to explore each one so that you can make the best decision for your daughter and your family. First and foremost, I'd encourage you to speak with your child's doctor, audiologists and speech therapists to get a good picture of your daughter's current language abilities and needs. Explore the world that American Sign Language can unlock for your toddler, and speak with professionals who support the oral education movement. The most important thing to consider for your child is that the earliest you can intervene to re-introduce language to her world, the easier it will be for her to learn in any academic setting. This means that it is very important for all of your family members to learn how to communicate with your child - not just a primary caregiver and a close-in-age sibling. Encourage grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles to take classes in ASL or to learn the important techniques involved in speaking with a lip-reader.
Schools present other options for your child - whether you enroll her in a state-funded school for the Deaf, a private school for the Deaf, or into a mainstream program at your public school, it will be very important that you continue to be involved in her educational needs. Speak with other parents who are more experienced in the issues that surround independent educational plans (IEPs) and special needs advocacy.
The last decade has seen an increase in the amount of families pursuing cochlear implants for their children to improve their ability to hear sounds and language around them. Although the existance of a cochlear implant may allow your child to hear her friends and family members, this does not change the fact that she is a deaf child with a cochlear implant, and there are some psychosocial issues that you will need to consider and help her adapt to as she grows up in the hearing world. Surgery may be an option for your child, but it is an option that can be acted upon at any time in her life. There is no need to rush into making a decision of this nature without consulting with all the resources available to you.
As a parent, you have been granted the task of making the best decision you can make for your child. There is no right or wrong approach. There is no cookie-cutter answer that is best for all individuals in this situation. Ultimately, you are taking a step along a long path that can be confusing. Soon, your child will mature to the point where she can take the reins on her own life, and explore her identity and the options available to her independently. The process you are undergoing today will teach her how to make healthy decisions about her life in the future.
My wife and I seem to be arguing a lot lately. I just don't feel that close to her any more. What can we do to improve our relationship?
I commend you for calling attention to this issue before circumstances spin too far out of control. It is perfectly normal for relationships to hit a point where the emotional intimacy shared between partners becomes strained. This makes it a good time to revisit the mission of your relationship - the primary reason that the two of you chose to commit to each other. Begin this work by establishing a weekly date activity which includes conversation and a change of environment. Explore each other's expectations for the relationship, and reframe any that seem based in fairytale irrationality. Consider the motivations that may have been underlying your arguments - has there been attention-seeking lately? Do you or your partner struggle with issues of control? Has a painful experience sparked a desire for revenge? Have you or your partner been displaying feelings of inadequacy? Try to resolve these underlying conflicts without getting mired in the specifics of your arguments. Remember that relationships are an intimate dance between two partners, and both need to be actively involved in the work to improve the way you feel about each other.
How do I overcome these feelings of sadness I've been experiencing since the birth of my son?
The birth of a new baby can bring a lot of happy changes to your life. Despite the 9 months of preparation you have while you are pregnant, the adaptations you make to your lifestyle are drastic, beginning the first day you bring your bundle of joy home from the hospital. Hormone changes, interrupted sleeping habbits,your infant's nursing concerns, and the changes to your identity construct can wreak havoc on your ability to regulate your mood. The people around you may have good intentions when they offer you advice, but sometimes even that advice can become overwhelming. The key to regaining your sense of well-being is to examine one change at a time while you pick a system that works for you. Begin with finding some time to improve the quality of your sleep. Try lying down while you nurse, or while your child takes a nap. Set a bedtime, and create a ritual for yourself while you create one for your infant. Work with your domestic partner to take turns meeting your baby's needs at night. If weather permits, schedule a brisk walk with your infant in a stroller. When weather doesn't permit an outdoor stroll, make use of a local mall to get some exercise. When you feel comfortable leaving your baby with a babysitter, or a childcare center in a gym, schedule a 30 minute exercise regimen to your day. Sit down for your meals, and put the baby in someone else's arms for a while so you can actually taste your food. Using your local hospital and infant programs as resources, find a support group of new mothers who are in various stages of the art of motherhood. Explore the changes to your identity with them, with your spouse, and even with a counselor to find resolution for any conflicts you are experiencing.
